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Sunday, 19 February 2012

Because I love him....

I end up outside the door on the balcony
Severe pain in my tummy
Blood on my thighs and I'm wailing loudly.
The blood is now unstoppabble, the pain is unbearable.
I don't even know why I'm bleeding,
But I know it started when he kicked my tummy.

Just a while ago, we were both happy.
But everything changed when my phone rang.
He stretched his hand and reached for it.
And then he went crazy.
He just kept yelling and wouldn't listen.
He slapped me across the face before I could speak.

He has been doing this for as long as I have known him.
He'd slap me just for looking at someone,
Yet I'd stay, because I love him.
Once he pushed me down the stairs in anger,
I still stayed because I love him.
So many times, he'd leave me with a black eye,
I had to stay because I love him.
He would sometimes have his way with me forcefully,
I felt I had no choice because I love him.
My friends and family did not hide their disapproval,
I just wouldn't agree because I love him.

So I have been in these walls for three years, doing TIME!
And I wouldn't let myself out because I love him.
As I struggle to stand up from where I have been ,
Sitting and screaming like a possessed maniac,
It occures to me that he has ignored me the whole time.
It is almost midnight, too late for him to leave me out here.

I now begin to realise that it hasn't all been worth it.
Taking him back everytime he begged,
The fuss about the passionate make-up sex,
Closing my ears to everyone's advice.
Hoping everyday that he'd change.

There's so much pain in my body and heart.
I hate him for all the time I've wasted,
I hate him for all the tears I have shed,
I hate him for all the rubish I have taken,
I hate him for holding me captive all this time.

But what I don't know yet is that I'm about to hate him much more.
I will probably create an everlasting harm to his body and to his soul,
I will probably make him die a slow death when I find out the kind of damage he has done to me.
I will probably never forgive  him when I find out,

That I have been pregnant for the past six weeks,
That I have had an involuntary abortion thanks to the daddy,
And like that isn't enough,
I havent only lost my self-respect, sense of self-worth, confidence and my foetus to this relationship,
I have also LOST MY WOMB!