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Saturday, 22 October 2011

Dear future husband

A while ago, the topic #dearfuturehusband was trending on twitter. And from then till now, I have seen all sorts of hilarious tweets, comment, blogs, facebook notes and other stuff on the topic. I have read the silliest pieces and also the most touching letters…… And earlier today, I had this really long and deep conversation with an old friend about marriage and I couldn’t believe the things I was saying.

Bla bla bla! Yeah yeah! I know I am stale and all, I decided to write a letter my own future husband as well *covers face*. Okay, I know I said I’m not sure I believe in marriage in my last post but just in case I don’t have the guts to say no when he goes on his knees……….

Dear future husband,

I first of all want to ask u: ARE YOU MAD? Must I date all these foolish boys before you show up? Be fast and appear joooo!*mscheew!*. Okay don’t be scared my love, I am not always that harsh okay….. I am just in a hurry to meet you. :D 

I want to imagine what you are doing and where you are as I am typing this. I hope you are thinking about me just as I am thinking about you, you are probably writing me a letter as well sef. I am wondering if you are someone I already know. You are probably my boyfriend as we speak, or even just a friend. Maybe we have never even met….. In any case, I hope you are really working hard and saving for me and my twins. Yes, I said it! I only want to have two children preferably twins. So in case, you are the type that likes to have a football team, you can like to start thinking twice o!

Please baby, I’d like a really romantic marriage proposal. But, please I don’t want to see a ring in my food or ice-cream. Will you still marry me if I lose my front tooth from chewing a ring? That style is outdated sef. Please be creative o!

Sweetheart, I am a woman! I love to be pampered and I love ‘life’. I hope I am not demanding for too much when I say I love my cars, my perfumes, my jewelries, my make-up and my gadgets.( I am not ‘high-maintenance’ but gorgeous, sassy and fabulous don’t just happen). So I’m sure you know what kind of things to get for me as birthday gifts. Did I forget to mention to you that you must never forget my birthday or that of our children? I’ll skin you alive if you do.

Please baby, you must not talk as much as I do. You know I talk a lot. A family of four shouldn’t sound like a family of ten from outside. At the same time though, you need to be interesting. This is compulsory. I cannot stand a boring man, be witty and crack me up once in a while. Please get my humour too. I hate explaining my jokes. I am very playful hence, I have a million friends (both male and female) and I love them, I hope you are not one of those men that will not want me to have friends (we go dey fight o!)

I hope you can cope with an extremely forgetful and ‘last-minute’ wife. I am never prepared for anything. But don’t worry I’ll get things done. I hope you love music and I hope you love to dance too. Please we will still go clubbing o! I will still put on those short dresses abeg! I’ll probably curse you if you ever make me wear iro and buba!

I hope you don’t mind, but our children will be very familiar with our parents. They’ll need to stay with them a lot because, I’ll really like my ‘alone times’ with you.  I’ll drive them away at the slightest opportunity to my mother or yours, so that we can have the house to ourselves. Just me and you *side eye*.  I am very adventurous, I have the body to twist and turn, so trust! Your bed is well taken care of #punintended :p lol….

 I know you love your food and yes I know how to cook all the local dishes, however if you love pounded yam, you’ll have to learn to pound. I promise I’ll cook the soup, ahn ahn! Do you want to break your baby’s back? Also, once in a while, you’ll eat indomie as dinner.

I hope you love and fear God as much as I do. And I hope you can support my dreams……..

Lastly honey, I already love you……. Please ask me to marry you! I promise I’ll say yes. Lol…….